Sustained by the King

Why was I so afraid?

I spent most of my life steeped in fear. Terrified of rejection, change, failure, pain. Being rooted in my comfort zone stole years of abundance from my life. Twenty years of fear brought me to a place of discontentment, apathy, and longing. Even with “courage” tattooed on my body, I was a coward who ran away from anything that threatened discomfort. Every day I would drive down my hometown’s busiest intersection, completely numb and hovering at the precipice of self-harm. I would starve, distract, or punish myself just to feel something in my empty shell of a life. My soul was so desolate with grief and unrest that I shattered, becoming a weapon of self-destruction. Living in the safety of my fear put me, and the people I loved, in grave danger. I lost sight of the love and promises of God because I was blinded by the anxieties of this world, and acting out of that anxiety brought devastation and pain to everyone around me. Two years later, my desperate spiral began again. My life got shaken up, I was betrayed by love, and I began self-medicating with cheap validation and empty affection. As I sat in a hotel bathroom filled with shame, I knew my cycle of numbing had to stop. I had to be brave. I had to change. My old habits and patterns had almost killed me before, and I was on a slippery slope to an even deeper valley.

Praise God, He helicoptered me out.

For you did not receive a spirit of slavery to fall back into fear. Instead, you received the Spirit of adoption, by whom we cry out, "Abba, Father!" The Spirit himself testifies together with our spirit that we are God's children, and if children also heirs—heirs of God and coheirs with Christ—if indeed we suffer with him so that we may also be glorified with him. For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is going to be revealed to us.
Romans 8:15-18 CSB
What, then, are we to say about these things? If God is for us, who is against us? He did not even spare his own Son but gave him up for us all. How will he not also with him grant us everything? 
Who can separate us from the love of Christ? Can affliction or distress or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:31-32, 35, 37-39

I’ve spent the last 3 months with real-life superheroes. My summer has been filled with nights at sand volleyball, lake days, and dance parties alongside incredible human beings who chase adventure for a living. These guys run towards trauma. They exercise so their bodies will be strong enough to pull people to safety, study to fill their minds with medical expertise, and sacrifice comfort for the sake of the greater good. They have dedicated their days to saving the world.

It’s hard to be scared when you’re with these guys. Any situation I could ever get myself into, they could get me out of (they may even consider it fun). They are truly larger than life. The greatest thing about them, though, isn’t their impressive physiques, brilliant minds, or entertaining stories. The trait that makes them so admirable, so trustworthy, and so inspiring is their courage. They courageously joined a career field that promises danger, discomfort, and trauma. They courageously left their families to pursue a higher calling. They courageously chose a life that few people would be able to understand or handle, a life that would prevent them from being rooted in consistency.

Amidst all the courage, all the strength, all the sacrifice… they are some of the most joyful people I’ve ever met. They are brave enough to live and love with their whole hearts. They have chosen courage and adventure over security and fear, and their reward is unbridled joy. These guys are absolutely brilliant and tenacious, and they would have found immense success as physicians, salesmen, business owners, or engineers. Choosing a more ordinary path would have likely brought them a lot of wealth, security, and stability. But their innate wiring for adventure would have left them craving more: more exploration, more thrills, more meaning. Living a predictable, comfortable life would have left them empty and longing.

I think most of us have the same wiring for adventure, for MORE, but we feed it with more possessions, vices, or busyness instead of accepting that living for Jesus means living fearlessly. Obviously, I’m not encouraging you to sprint to the nearest conflict you can find with guns blazing. I’m not suggesting we all become adrenaline junkies who jump out of planes for a living. What I am recommending, though, is that we live with courage. We live like the truth and security of the Gospel is our foundation: that neither death nor life, nor height nor depth can separate us from the redeeming love of God. No matter what pain and suffering we find in this life, we have eternity with Jesus – the lover of our souls. No matter how many times we are rejected, betrayed, physically harmed, or abandoned, we have been adopted by a holy and all-powerful God whose love never fails. We can run towards fiery trials, unforeseen circumstances, and broken people because our God never fails. Just as my brothers know that they can trust their equipment and training in the face of conflict, we can trust our God in the face of fear. We will suffer in this life, whether we ever step outside our comfort zone or not. “The sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is going to be revealed to us.” The joy doesn’t come from playing it safe on our terms—in my experience, that’s where depression hides. The joy doesn’t come from leaning on our own understanding or strength or predictions.

The joy, my friends, comes from living in the Spirit of Adoption, crying “Abba, Father!” when our hearts are weak and weary. The joy comes from believing He is working through every trial for our good. The joy comes from seeking adventure with Jesus, saying YES to the dreams He has given us and putting ourselves in places that need His love to shine. The joy comes from throwing away the vices and habits that numb us so we can put on the exposing vulnerability of holiness. His love makes us more than conquerors—we are coheirs to His glory. Let’s live like it.