Sustained by the King

Oh Lord, You are so good, so ready to forgive, so full of unfailing love for all who ask for Your help... Teach me Your ways, O Lord, that I may live according to Your truth! Grant me purity of heart, so that I may honor You. With all my heart I will praise You, O Lord my God. I will give glory to Your name forever, for Your love for me is very great. You have rescued me from the depth of death.
Psalm 86:5, 11-13 NLT

As I awoke to my first day in Malawi, the early morning sun pouring through the skylight overhead, my heart was filled with peaceful anticipation. Outside my window, a little blue finch balanced on a tree branch and women wrapped in vibrant chitenge were already immersed in the day’s work. I was in Africa. I was home.

By my own plans and expectations, I should have never been here. I shouldn’t have the privilege to be in such a beautiful place, with such beautiful people, working with a nonprofit as incredible as Child Legacy International. I’m nowhere near holy enough to serve the poor and oppressed, to experience the joy of walking through a village with four little girls’ hands in mine. My natural choices would have never brought me here—but praise God, here I am.

Seek the Lord while He may be found; call to Him while He is near. Let the wicked one abandon his way and the sinful one his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, so He may have compassion on him, and to our God, for He will freely forgive. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, and your ways are not my ways." This is the Lord's declaration. "For as heaven is higher than earth, so my ways are higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Isaiah 55:6-9 CSB

Isn’t it just like God to take our deepest dreams, the ones we feel the most unworthy of, and bring them to the light? He leads us to higher places than we could prepare or pray for. His will surpasses our understanding; He holds blessing in His hands beyond our comprehension. God weaves golden threads of meaning into the tapestries of our lives. Even as we make the safe or selfish choices, glimpses of a greater life glimmer on the horizon.

From my first introduction to life overseas, the sensation was longing. Not curiosity, awe, or empathy; longing. When an African children’s choir visited my childhood church, my 7-year old heart filled with longing to go back home with them. Every time I heard missionaries’ stories of sharing the Gospel in far-off places, I would dwell on their experiences for weeks and months after. In college, when I got to visit a mosque and meet the beautiful Muslim women there, I wept as I had to say goodbye. Despite how hard I tried to drown it out, God created me with a deep yearning for life overseas. Not yearly mission trips to build houses and evangelize (although that is important and needed), but to be fully rooted far from my homeland, building my life with people who look completely different from me. I assumed I’d missed the boat on my dream when I raced to get married in college instead of studying abroad. I assumed I’d misinterpreted my dream when I found myself leading a student ministry when I was still a student myself. I assumed I’d never get to live my dream when I spent the bulk of my 20s enslaved to fear and selfishness.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, and your ways are not my ways.”

After having my heart broken last October, a brutal breakup in February, and 12 first dates in 2 months, my heart was exhausted. I didn’t think there was anything for me beyond a corporate job, a date on the weekend, and trying to see my friends as much as I could. Trusting God was barely on my mind, much less adventuring with Him in foreign lands. After weeping through my church’s Mother’s Day service, God took hold of my heart again. He began showing me that His mercy was truly real, wildly active, and endlessly available. He reminded me of the vision He gave me when I was 18 that cemented my calling to the mission field. He showed me that He could heal and restore me to trust Him with all I had, wherever He led me. Then, He opened every door to lead me to Africa.

On the journey of life, we’re called to be faithful, not in control. When we surrender the reins to God and trust Him, we give Him the ability to steer, speed up, or slow down as He sees fit. Your impatience may lead you from a walk to a gallop before you’re ready, finding yourself in the wrong place at the wrong time (or more heartbreakingly, the right place at the wrong time). God knows how fast you need to go, which direction to turn, and when you need to slow down and rest. You can believe you’re in charge of your own life and risk running into a dead-end, or you can give God the reins and trust the Creator of the Universe to steer the way.

Life looks very different than I thought it would three months ago. Rather than falling in love with a person, I've fallen in love with a country. My prayers, thoughts, and choices are turned towards helping a nonprofit in Malawi, Africa provide clean water, accessible healthcare, stable income, quality education, consistent nutrition, and sustainable energy to one of the world's poorest people groups. I've been romanced by life with Christ. The plans I had for this year have gone in a million different directions, but now I know my plans are most fruitful when they’re surrendered to Christ. My hands are off the reins and lifted in praise; my heart is finally content. 

He has sent redemption to His people. He has ordained His covenant forever. His name is holy and awe-inspiring. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow His instructions have good insight. His praise endures forever.
Psalm 111:9-10 CSB

If you want to learn more about all Child Legacy is doing in Malawi and Zimbabwe, check out their website here. If you feel so led, send them a one-time or monthly blessing by visiting this link: https://childlegacy.org/donate/